Tuesday, 31 July 2012

How's your father

My friend makes a return trip to his native South Africa and see's some old friends. He's just had a bad break-up and he's in the midst of a perfect storm of booze and narcotics. How he didn't die during this period is still a mystery to the finest medical minds of our generation.

On one night out, he got particularly drunk, and woke up in bed. He was butt naked, save for his socks. This apparently is quite normal for him. Until he turns over and see's he is not in his bed and he is not alone. This could take a very homo-erotic turn but unfortunately not. So he had obviously had sex with a girl he doesn't really remember (on that point, who has sex in their socks???, seriously???).

He wakes up and walks to the toilet. Wanders out of the toilet and walks straight into this lovely young ladies  Father. Unfortunately, he hasn't bothered to put any clothes on. There is a moment there, just pure silence, before my friend backs into the toilet and slowly closes the door. Waits it out 5 minutes and then runs to the girls room.

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Being deported from Australia

The story that got me thinking that this needs to be posted somewhere.

I met a German girl (well... woman really) while working for a cafe in Melbourne, who had been deported from Australia once already for staying here on a student visa. She managed to get back into Australia on a tourist visa, which meant she wasn't allowed to work. This of course did not stop her working for a woman who had no time for petty issues such as 'employee tax' or 'visa's'.

My friend decided it would be good to take a break from Oz and see the wonderful land of orcs and hobbits that is New Zealand. She then met a lovely young fellow who lived in Australia. And so, she returned to Oz specifically for what she described as a 'serious sex visit'.

At which point, she was stopped by the authorities on her re-entry into the country. They took her to one side, and investigated her phone where they discovered info on her illegally working on a tourist visa.

But that's not all they discovered.

As this was a 'sex trip', she informed me that she had some 'serious sex toys' on her persons, which of course were searched.

Here is a selection of things to be pulled out of her hand luggage. Cock ring, dildo, large dildo, another even larger dildo, followed by a whip, followed by a number of other things that might embarass even the most proud S & M fans. All the while, being watched by the border security staff.

This, simply, was brilliant!

Thursday, 5 April 2012

Why I started this blog

I was chatting to a German friend of mine online, when she told me the tale of her deportation from Australia. Quite frankly, it was hilarious and hugely embarrassing for her.

This lead me to think that this story was just too good to hide away in the depths of my memory, and that then lead me to think that I have quite a few embarrassing anecdotes of friends knocking about just waiting to be released to the world (or me..... probably just me).

So here they are, my account of my friends horrible, embarrassing, but ultimately hilarious stories from my (former) friends.